A Heart Made of Ink
by RegaliaAL
Summary: Danny started having a cold attitude, hanging out with the jocks to be popular. But when he crossed the line with his best friends, will he be able to get them BOTH back? crappy i knw. T for self-harm


A Heart Made of Ink

**Summary: Amity Park is a small town in Minnesota and that at Amity High, all its students are anxious to just get over with the exams for the summer. But when they're fully in the middle of it with exam tension, there's also tension between two best friends… And it appears that they were both hiding their true feelings…and that one is slowly falling apart… When fall starts, the two bonds are a hair thick… Rated T for self-harm..**

_June 2010_

_Argh… I hate chemistry so much I'd love to rip those fucking papers right in front of my eyes!, _ I mentally roared and a ripping sound was made accompanied by a door opening.

"Sammykins?" a sweet motherly voice was heard.

I gave out a low growl and a roll of my eyes as I turned around, "Mom? What?"

Mom was giving me that look again. That look that now appeared on almost everyone's faces these days. Ever since what happened 14 days ago and I'm not in the mood to remember it right now. But anyway, ever since that happened, everyone at school gave me that look. I found it digusting since now, everyone was worried about me and I was suddenly known through out the school. And I didn't want that. Not one bit. All what I thought I'll get was everyone regarding me as a heartless emo bitch …but now I'm some kind of heroine for every girl who got heartbroken or something! Wat the fuck!

I managed a strained forced smile at my mother to make her leave. Don't take me wrong. I love my mom but most of the time these past few days… I started to get sick of people and friends. Or masks of friends now…

She smiled back and noticed I was still on the bed with chemistry note sheets everywhere and on the floor with my laptop on, blaring out some good songs of Nickelback. She sighed and muttered, "Alright. Better study hard for tomorrow. But sleep early, ok?"

I rolled my eyes and laughed at that, which was rare coming out of me these days. "Yes, _mom_."

She slammed the door behind her and I went back to look and review Acids and Bases. _Maybe I should go steal some and yank it as his face… _my evil side thought innocently.

But my tactical reasonable side muttered, _do that and u'll be expelled if u get caught. I say physical torture is worth the trick to him._

Yes, physical torture.

"Candidates with numbers from 5189 to 5215, please head to classroom 19. Thanks." The woman at the microphone sounded, and the students all stood up to leave their waiting room.

I stood up, and looked around to see Tucker mouthing a _good luck Sam_ at me, in which I nodded and gave him a rare smile and said _thanks, you too._ The guy next to him, however, made his way towards me but I turned around and disappeared into the crowd on the way to class 19.

Usually, I'd be greeting the guy standing next to Tucker but that's just it. He's the one who made me feel like shit for 14 days now, he's the one who made me suddenly known around the entire school (and I can tell u this school isn't much. Just 800 students)

He was Danny Fenton, my supposedly best friend since forever. We already had a fight between us back in December, but this one… oh this one felt like we won't be talking to each other for _months_…

Last fight in December resulted in me getting pissed off at how fake he acted, how he wanted to act all snob, self-centered asshole, and thinks like he'd never care about anyone. And it made me fucking _pissed!_ He vowed he won't do it again, but unfortunately…he did…

This one, just screwed up my fucking heart, and his words were literally multiple sabres slashing it all up and leave it surviving on critical health…enough for me to stay alive…

_I sighed as I walked into Danny's room. He wasn't here…again… and he promised me that we'd revise biology together. We had the hardest paper for Monday and apparently he was still out with his friends. It's not that I can't handle revising Bio on my own, because I can, but it's always fun with him. We'd start making fun of the facts and scribble down our own stupid facts._

_So, I decided to finish up the last section which was about the human body systems when Jazz came into the room, tired from her day at college. But then, to make feel less bored, she helped me lift my mood and we studied bio together. I found out I was the smarter one, since Jazz didn't continue with biology in her A-levels. Which I'd also do next year._

_Danny finally came back, at 11, to find me and Jazz laughing so hard at a joke I said about the circulatory system. Instead of coming up behind us and scaring us to death, he laughed sarcastically and told me to go home._

_I stood up, and crossed my arms across my chest, eyeing him. He was tired, carrying biology books with him, to throw them over at his desk. "Where were u all week-end?" I asked quietly._

_He rounded on me, pissed, "Stop acting like my mom ok? It's making me sick!" he said, not too kindly and not in an annoyed way. _

_I raised my eyebrows, "And nobody told u to shout at me, either!" I retorted calmly._

_He gave out an annoyed grunt and walked to grab his classic guitar and started strumming on a random song. But I knew it; it was "far away" by Nickelback. _

_I slowly walked up to him, and murmured, "Danny… I'm serious. Where were you? I was bored like hell and one moment you told me you wanna revise bio with me and the other–"_

_" –yeah well Dash invited me over and I assure u, it's much more fun with him than studying bio with u!" he retorted. "You're boring, Sam."_

He did NOT just say that?_ I suddenly glared at him, "Studying with a guy who barely knows what a nucleus is FUN!"_

_He smirked, "He at least offers me double whoppers instead of Greek salads, Sam."_

If he thinks that I'll laugh at that?_ I narrowed my eyes at him, "So…for 2 days, you simply forgot all those crazy times we had when we're revising?"_

_He sighed, and then looked up at me, "Look, Sam, I … I don't get much invited over. And we'll even revise chemistry with him."_

_I stood up, my fists clenching, "It's because I'm a girl isn't it?" I spat, my anger slowly getting out of control. My best friend just said that I… I can't believe this fucking shit! But I didn't finish… "It's because I'm a fucking demented Goth, who isn't popular at school? Is it also because you'd rather study with stupid dumb jocks than your own bes–"_

_He stopped playing again, "Woah! Hold up. Don't tell me you're mad cause I didn't study with you!"_

_I shook my head furiously, "No, you idiot! You just indirectly confessed that I'm boring, and that you're yearning to become just like Dash, a dickhead with nothing but fame in his puny fucking brain!" I yelled, on the roll now and not giving him time to explain himself. "You make me sick. I thought you wanted to be one of these guys who doesn't care about getting fans at your feet, what's next? Using your powers to attract attention as well!"_

_Oh yeah, I went that deep. And the look on Danny's face was fucking priceless. It was a mixture of surprise, anger, horror and … hurt. I didn't get why but Danny stood up slowly, and his sky-blue suddenly shifted to green. "I…I didn't mean to say that you're boring, Sa–"_

_"OH STOP IT, YOU CAUSED AS MUCH DAMAGE AS IT IS!" I roared. "I hate you, Daniel Fenton!"_

_"Wait!"_

_I turned, and snarled at him, "Fine. Give me one reason why you just said these things to me!"_

_He looked at me helplessly then he suddenly had a fake grin on his face, "Oh my god, I can't believe you fell for it. I was fa–"_

_"Faking?" I answered, my fists clenched so tight my knuckles turned whiter than my own skin. "You're nothing but shit. You think you like having a fake attitude, just to be cool? Well guess what, Fenton? It doesn't make me laugh at all. You're a piece of fucking shit…"_

_And with that, I snatched my papers off his desk and not bothering to turn around, I angrily pushed up his window and leaped off the window in one fluid jump. I landed on my feet and once it hit the ground, I was running as fast as possible to my house, right across the park separating his house from mine._

The Chemistry exam went fine, and the moment the others exited with me, they hurriedly began to discuss it. I joined them just to check if I did number (5) (b) correct and once I noticed Tucker and …Fenton, I turned and ran down the corridors before they look for me.

I was listening to "Breaking the Habit" by Linkin Park through my iPhone as I walked out of the school and out into the streets. It was only 3 pm, since our exams were mostly PM sessions, and Amity Park was bustling and very busy.

I saw little kids playing in the see-saws and swings in the big Amity Park's National and decided to spend my afternoon alone again on the swings. I wasn't bothered at all to enjoy my time all alone. People could talk all they want, I didn't give a fuck.

I was a Goth. So what? I wear checkered green-and-black mini skirts, with a skinny jeans underneath, with black tank tops. I weak chokers, chains, broken-hearts charms. I wear combat boots. And so what?

So what if I'm rare to find myself without black eye-liner? Or purple lipstick? Or the fact I adopted a recent haircut, a boyish hair-cut with a long fringe but all spiked up?

I didn't care. That was the thing about me. Samantha Manson doesn't care at all. And I slowly grew to not care about Fenton, the guy who was by my side through thin and thick. I was one of the few who knew about his other identity, and although I currently despise him, I'd still keep it a secret…

_September 2010_

It's been nearly 3 months since I last saw Fenton…and Tucker. I talked with the computer genius occasionally over the summer, and he made sure not to mention anything about Fenton, knowing I'll either explode or end up in a breakdown.

And these breakdowns led me to suck it up, and it usually required cutting myself up. To avoid stocking up the pain of a heartache, I cut myself. It was almost a good feeling when I saw my own blood flow out from my veins when I was extremely depressed. It made me forget and move on.

And move on, I did. After the great O-Level results I got, a boarding school in D.C. held a place for me. And it was private, so my parents immediately said yes.

I was actually supposed to be glad. A new school, where I can really stay incognito, forming new friends and a new life, with a better background and not being shunned as the veggie Goth…

But, my heart was always the rebellious one and it reminded me of Tucker …and Fenton… I hated leaving Tucker behind but he'd understand. That was something amazing about him, despite us being on complete opposites and him being all geeky, he still understood the stuff obvious and not-so-obvious things in life. I was glad wen he told me he got together with a girl and was making him happy and not making his life a living hell…

So when I finally arrived at the prestigious high school, my heart sank. It was beautiful, and looked really modern with blue-tinted glass windows covering most of the important buildings, two huge buildings labeled GIRLS DORMS and the other BOYS DORMS. My parents and I walked up the big stairs to greet a tall man dressed in a Hugo Boss suit. He smiled at us and at me, "Welcome, dear Mansons! I believe this is Samantha!"

I gave him a tight smile, "Just call me Sam."

He gave me a tight smile and looked at my parents, who were mesmerized by the school. I wasn't… I actually missed Amity High… My parents and the principal were talking while I walked into the building to tour around.

It was so big I got lost twice but as I stepped into the open grassy courtyard, I froze. Standing alone in the corner and listening to music, was…Fenton… and just my luck he looked up and his blue eyes locked on my violet ones. My mouth was wide and gaping and then I got my legs moving to turn around and run away.

Fenton was running after me, trying to catch up and I tried finding the exit routes fast, turning left and right, trying to lose him but it didn't work. "_Sam!" _he yelled, and it was a long time since I heard his voice.

"_Sam! Wait up!"_

I didn't want to hear him anymore, I didn't want to see him anymore. Why was he here? Why did fate always make me get stuck with him? I hate him, hate him from all my soul. My heart was an idiot, still beating fast when he was around…

Soon I found strong arms grabbing me from behind but I kicked and fought, finally kicking him in the groins, and his grip loosened. Tears were welling up in my eyes and everything turned blurry. I blinked several times to clear my view. Many guys and girls were staring at us, so I found a quieter hall and sprinted there. I was about to slam myself in a room, but Danny – I mean Fenton beat me, pinning me to the wall with his hands. I fought and kicked but he was strong, and it was no use.

"Sam…Sam!" he muttered but I refused to look at him, instead looking at the huge school's emblem on the wall opposite.

"I'm sorry for doing this to you. I'm sorry for–"

"Shut up. Just shut up!" I snarled, still not looking at him. "Why are you following me! To apologize and think I'll forgive you?"

He didn't say anything, and I could sense him staring at me. But I didn't and I never will. His grip loosened and I scrambled away from him. Just to say these last words, "To tell you the truth, I'm happier now. I'm happy that I'm no more your friend. And I don't regret it, because all what you did was bruise me!"

That was a downright lie. I wasn't happier now. Yes he did bruise me, but lately I was longing to feel loved, to have someone liking me for who I am… but I knew that what Fenton did to me was ruin this chance… I was and still in love with him, but I was used to move on…

I walked away from him, holding back the tears that threatened to spill off… _he was lying, he'd never mean it, since he's good at faking now…_

First day of school wasn't fun and everybody were treating me like a freak. I didn't care, since I was self-reserved and didn't care at all…

When I retired to the girls dorms and opened my room, which was all to myself, I threw my bag on the floor and took out a special metal thing. Turning my back to the window, I rolled up my right black sleeves, and traced a line along my arm, watching the dark red ink oozing out of it with a small smile on my face. It felt good to draw out the pain…

I did that every night, soon becoming my ritual. It was because of all the pain I had to endure, everytime I saw Fenton… and everytime he was begging me for us to come back as friends and apologizing. But I always refused and rejected.

I noticed that he would come out at night as ghost and circle the skies as if monsters would come up. _Always the egoist, acting the hero_. I was sure he was doing that while his friends were watching from the windows…

Fenton thinks that this will impress me but it never did. Many times I saw him battling monsters that kept coming back, and also new ones but I didn't care.

Tucker turned out to be still in Amity Park; he missed us more than ever and he promised he'll visit during Halloween. He also tried helping me out and trying to make me stop cutting myself up.

I just couldn't.

The night of Halloween turned out to the night I almost died. And the night I saw Fenton in such pain.

I came back late to the dorms after my first hang out with my new friends, they were these girls who didn't act flirty/cool to grab attention, they were geeky in a way but knew how I felt since they were all rejected… I rolled up my left arm, they were now scarred and full of thin red lines criss-crossing. In PE, I tried not to feel pain everytime I went out swimming or in basketball. I used a thick cream to hide the scars whenever we had swimming.

I pulled out my penknife and traced a line along my right arm but I then noticed that I was shaking from anger that I plunged it deeper. Blood red ink flew out in torrents and I winced. I didn't mean to draw out this much.

I wanted to scream for help, but I suddenly didn't want to and I realized many things. Life at this school won't really make me stop from self-harm, these "friends" I had weren't like Tucker and Fenton, they didn't know the pain I go through… well at least Fenton doesn't know any fucking thing about what I had to go through…

My heart was beating fast as the blood ink oozed out of me. It was telling me to call Fenton, since I didn't delete his number and it was already forged in my memory, but I was listening to my brain who just told me to breathe and press on my wound.

I heard a strangling voice behind me and I jumped turning around to meet electric-green eyes with pain in them. He saw me, and I won't be able to hide the wound I just did.

"L-Let me heal you…" he said, nervous and looking at me with pain-stricken eyes. "…please?"

I looked away and pulled my arm out, I hissed slowly as the ectoplasm covered up my right arm. Then the pain faded and I suddenly felt myself slowly coming back alive. But only slightly. I was still drowning.

"S-Sam… I … I was a…jerk…I didn't realize…" he said, closing his eyes and I could tell he was close to break down.

"Save your breath and just heal me…" I cut him off, and then they HAD to well up and tears spilled over. "then, you get the hell out!" but then, my mouth was about to say something but I bit down on my tongue, drawing blood.

I pulled my arm back, from the pain in my mouth. I winced but I didn't want to show it. Danny, however, did and this time, grabbed me by the shoulders.

"Sam! Look, I was a jerk, not realizing what I said was hurting you so deep. I was so fucking self-centered that I forgot my best friends were slowly fading away from me. I tried so hard to try and get us all back together, but I just can't and it's killing me! More monsters come every night and I get insomniac for weeks on end to blast them off since that's my duty, protecting you all from them. I wanted so bad to have my two best friends helping me out like the old days. I want my best friends back, because I don't know if I'm able to live without them. Tucker came back but I can't survive without the other part of my life… please, I'm so sorry I did all this to you," he said, looking down at his hands as he resumed healing me.

I let the words sink in, and slowly …so slowly the walls between us started cracking. I wanted to hear those words so bad… but I didn't know if I was happy to hear them. If he was lying and just wanted me back for fame… was this really how I felt about him?

I nodded, "I appreciate the sincerity… but make me believe you!" I said, glaring at him.

He stared at me, and two white discs covered him so that he came back as normal human. His hair had become as black as ink, with his eyes back to sky blue. He was dressed in normal black T-shirt and baggy jeans. He still stared at me, piercing me with the intensity of his stare and slowly extended a hand to cup my face and he leaned in, kissing my cheek softly.

I sobbed quietly. He pulled me into his embrace and I cried, releasing all my built-up anger that was boiling in my veins, all the heart-ache and how much in pain I was in as well as other negative feelings that resided within me for 4 months. He also cried with me, the first time I ever really see him do that…

_I was the bitch. The freaking fucking bitch. For 4 months, I rejected him, kicked him out of my life so hard it sure hurt him…and still he stayed waiting and to bring us back. Waiting for me to finally suck the fuck up and accept his apologies. A normal guy would never wait that long….so…. I was really the goddamn bitch… D-Danny… wat have I done!_

"No…" I started, swallowing the next sobs coming out of me.

I noticed his grip tightening, in…anger? But I needed to continue, in order for him not to get the wrong idea, "I'm…the one…*sobs* who needs…to…say sorry. I was the…bitch..the _fucking_ bitch…"

But he cut me off, "Yeah you were. But I understand why…'cause it's my fault. I'm the one who nearly torn us apart. And well, lately… I um…had deeper feelings for…you…"

I looked up at him, a bit shocked at how direct he was. She let that also sink in but she shook her head, "Dan… no, don't go that road. I ….don't deserve you…plus, there are other girls. And none of them are both Goth and emo who cut –"

Again, he cut me off, by cupping my face so that I looked up at him, staring deep into his blue eyes. I fought the feeling of drowning in them and clamped my mouth shut so that I don't look like an idiot. He frowned at me, "It's me who doesn't deserve you. It's me who's the jerk, the asshole, the son of the bitch. And you're right, there _are_ other girls…" he said, giving me a small smile, "but none of them are like you. None are that headstrong, that passionate about her life. It's rare to find a girl who loves herself for who she is and that loves others, and it's really hard to find another veggie Goth who was controlled by many ghosts."

I laughed a bit at the last part, but I also felt my chest feeling warm with that new feeling. I didn't know what took over me but I felt myself so close to him and closing my eyes. I opened them again to feel soft lips locked on mine. Opening my eyes a little, I saw two rings of the purest blue staring back at me. I smiled into the lip-lock and let him steal my first real kiss after the harshness and pain we've been through.

_I still love you, even when I felt I despised you. Without you, I don't think I can manage to stay alive!_

FIN


End file.
